I lie to myself and try and make myself love him, but I don't.. and go to marriage counseling - in an effort to save our marriage. I wasn't strong enough to resist and I thought I was doing the right thing. I've spoken to him about my feelings, but he just dismisses everything I say. The key, I think, is whether or not your spouse turns out as expected. If I object to his opinion of something, I am being argumentative and confrontational. that when you share your depth of despair with your situation , wether you've been in it years or months that people lack empathy You know when someone pours their heart out to you even when it's for the umpteenth time .... I tried so hard for 3 years or better to be the wife I thought he wanted with no success.
And if both of you are unhappy in the marriage, you’d know it too!
Looks can be altered, hobbies can be dropped or added, children come into the mix and people change to some degree, but are they still mostly the person you fell in love with?
Do they maintain the core values that pulled you together in the first place?
He has not had sex with her for over a year, and she does not want to go back to her country. We doubt he is keeping her as up to date about you, as he “appears” to be keeping you informed about her. If you pursue this romance you are implicitly endorsing a model for behavior in life and love.
So there would seem to be a high probability that deceit is in his behavioral repertoire. Take his story at face value and we notice his proclivity to weasle his way around problems — rather than deal with them head on. So be sure you understand the model you are acting out.